Don't get me wrong, I love music, and I do love singing. But, I swear, there's something about it that makes me feel unsettled and uncomfortable about performing. Not only my obvious vocal imperfections, I think it's also because I am sharing a part of myself. I simply feel very vulnerable. Maybe people are judging me and thinking to themselves, "Man...she sounds like a dying cat," or maybe they are thinking to themselves that perhaps my vibrato is a little too wobbly, or maybe those high Gs are a hair out of tune, or maybe my breath support isn't rock solid.
It's more than just my obvious imperfections, I am exposed. I am sharing my personal self with an entire audience. It's not just a song--it's me. I am sharing my time, my talent, and basically my soul. When I sing, it is apart of me. I give my talent/gift, and who knows if anyone will even appreciate it, or even like what I am sharing. (Admit it: you all think critical thoughts to yourself when you hear someone perform from time to time. Ha. I got cha. I know I do too, sometimes!)
Likewise, writing a blog about all of my personal experiences, and it is a little frightening for me to openly share them. I feel inherently vulnerable, left to other people's judgement, whether good or bad. I am keenly aware of my weaknesses: everything from my inept grammar skills, to my many punctuation flaws, to not understanding the complexities of the body/mind, to my incredible lack of super-cool blogging skills.
More than my weakness though, I'm putting myself out there, and sharing what is precious to me, what has helped me, and it probably might seem a little weird to other people. Most of this is unconventional and alternative. But like I said at the beginning of this post, I felt impressed to share these things with others. So, I am writing this blog with that intention: here is what happened with me-- is there something for my experiences that can help you? If not, okay. If so--great! I accomplished my objective!
So, do I cease performing? Maybe I shouldn't write because my writing isn't amazing, and my blogging skills are probably archaic compared to others. Nope. Who cares what y'all think about me, anyway. But, in all seriousness, I have carefully pondered why I'm composing a blog. It boils down this: my goal is to share and hopefully help someone. My goal isn't seeking to please others, or to make myself look good or important. If that were the case, I sure as heck would not be putting myself out there! So my apologies in advance, next time you hear me sing and if my high notes are a wee-bit wobbly. Also, recognize when you read this blog, and see my obvious comma splices and run-on sentences, just know I'm doing my best. I am not perfect,and I know it. My mission isn't to be a perfect blogger-- my mission is to openly and vulnerably share my experiences, and hopefully in the process, help someone else. I think Brene Brown would be proud of me choosing to be vulernable. Haha. I hate it.
Does it ever bother you to share what you know or have with others?
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